Nobody likes to be wrong. It just sucks. It stings so badly that we often go to great lengths to be right, to point out we’re right. We see all over social media jokes and memes about the wife “always” being right or the husband who is “rarely” right asking the wife to repeat that he is right. We find it funny, maybe even empowering.

When my youngest daughter was 5, her dad decided it would be fun to give her a Tinkerbell nail painting kit. I disagreed but went along with it because I knew she would love it and she did. We set up rules so that she would not spill the nail polish on the furniture or carpet.

One afternoon I was walking down the hall and noticed little sparkly pink stripes about three feet up on the wall.  I called her over, showed her the stripes and asked if she painted them. My sweet, innocent daughter looked me straight in the eyes with her big blues wide and incredulous and said, “No mommy.”

I said, “Well, I know I didn’t do it and daddy didn’t do it and the dog didn’t do it so that leaves you.” She immediately countered, “It wasn’t me! I didn’t do it! Don’t you believe me?” I responded, “If you didn’t do it then who did?” She answered, “Tinkerbell?”

Now, you may think I told this story to prove I was right and get a good chuckle. While there may or may not be a margin of truth to that thought, the real reason I bring up this story is to address an obvious truth.
I saw the nail polish on the wall and made an immediate assumption that daughter was the culprit.
Assumptions are tricky. They are literally believing and accepting something to be true without proof.  Sometimes we assume correctly and sometimes we don’t.

Sometimes we don’t even realize when we left “right” and jumped onboard with “wrong.” It is so easy to do and so hard to admit.

The truth about assumptions is that we make them in a split second. We hear something, see something, or somebody tells us something and without even thinking, we have reached a decision we believe to be true without proof based on our current state of mind, our history, or perceived authority.

How many times have you looked at a stranger and made decisions about them without the foggiest clue of their character or current circumstances?

Maybe you have witnessed a child exhibiting bad behavior or learned they are an addict and blamed the parents? Or come across a homeless person and automatically thought they are on drugs?

Or your spouse or kids did not do something you asked them to do and determined why without even asking?

Maybe you were told something on good authority and based life decisions on it only to find out it was not entirely accurate?

Believing something to be true without verification is a risky business. We are essentially passing judgement on someone else, usually based on our own internal bias.
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We even justify them, “If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck then it must be a duck.”

Sometimes our assumptions are true, as in the nail polish on the wall.

Often our assumptions are not true; they are driven by our woundedness or fear.

What if you asked your husband to stop at the store on the way home from work to pick something up for you and he arrived home empty handed? Your mind immediately jumped to a narrative that said, “I never ask him for help. I make this one request and he can’t even do this one little thing for me. He is so thoughtless or lazy.”

You greeted him with a snide comment or just blurted out your anger without even asking what happened. Maybe he had trouble at work with a project or his boss or co-worker. You had no idea what transpired during his day. You only knew the assumption your brain leapt to in a flash.

Sometimes we adopt the assumption so fiercely it is hard to imagine there is another possibility.

My daughter had a significant medical issue. We were told that she needed a specific treatment. It was all over our heads, so we brought in “experts” that gave us what seemed like sound advice. However, my daughter told us something altogether different.

We chose to go with the “experts” assuming they knew better. We eventually learned that my daughter was receiving the wrong treatment. We rectified the situation, and she is doing much better now, but the ramifications were big.

Because of our wrong assumptions, her appropriate treatment was delayed, and immense damage was done to our relationship.

What if your pastor preaches false doctrine and you believe because of the presumed authority the position holds?

Assumptions are our believing or accepting something as true without proof. They are essentially making judgements on others. God is very clear about judging others.

Jesus tells us in John 7:24, “Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgement.”

How do we make the right judgement? There is a lot at risk. There are people who we will hurt when our assumptions are wrong. You will be hurt when your assumptions are wrong.

We are often our own worst enemy. When we make wrong assumptions that lead to wrong choices or poor behavior, we experience guilt and if we don’t manage it appropriately and repent, shame sets in and that leads to a whole new set of problems that we will talk about another time.

So, what can we do? First, we need to slow down and not run away with the first thought that comes into our mind. The Apostle Paul tells us to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Cor 10:5).

When you start to feel your mind race or a thought set in or an emotion take over, stop and take a breath and slow down. Think through the situation, acknowledge what you are thinking and feeling. Ask yourself what is driving the thought or emotion. Do you really know the whole truth or are you assuming parts of it? Then verify before you leap.

This is true with anything. If you are being told two different things, stop and regulate yourself, verify what you know, look up what you don’t, consult reliable people if necessary. Pray for guidance. Believe God for the answer and His timing.

If you are being told a doctrine or an interpretation of scripture, look it up. Don’t take anyone’s word for it. There are so many tools available to research what is true in the bible. I reference several on the Shepherd Her website.

Friend, please remember perfection is not attainable in this world. You will make mistakes which we can learn from.

We are a work in process making progress on this side of heaven.  You are loved by your Heavenly Father, you are forgiven by the blood of Jesus, and you are enough today.

You are not alone. There Is a Place for You at the Table. Join me in the next 12 weeks for our summer series as we continue to talk about hot hard topics in a safe, supportive space. Sign up and join us live on May 23 when we will dive further into the truth about judging others and ourselves.

​Today I want to talk about the in between. The space between the worst and the best, in between trauma and healing. They can be dark days, where light and hope feel far away.
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I imagine that is how the the disciples felt felt from the moment Jesus breathed his last on the cross with the sun blotted out and complete darkness in the skies. The earth shook, rocks split, and the curtain was torn. It must have felt surreal, as if the world were upside down. 

The bible doesn't tell us much about the time in between. We know Jesus hastily wrapped in linen and laid to rest in a new tomb carved out of the rock before sundown of the same day. It was critical because sundown ushered in the holy Sabbath where Jews did not work and they would not be able to bury him. 

We know that a large stone was placed in front of the tomb and that the women went home and prepared spices and perfumes to bring back to the tomb as there was not time to completely prepare the body. The bible also tells us that on the following day, Roman soldiers sealed the stone in front of the tomb and guarded it so that no one could steal the body.

Jesus' disciples, observing the Sabbath, would have done nothing that day. There would have been no distractions, no idle tasks. They would have been faced with the harsh reality that their teacher, leader, and Lord was gone. It is reasonable to think that the horrific and traumatic events of the previous day played over and over in their minds. The devastation would be heavy, the air would be thick with sorrow.

They must have had many thoughts running through their minds. How could this have happened? Was Jesus a fraud? Will they get arrested? What do they do now? Will anything ever be good again?

Can you imagine their self talk? How could I have been so stupid to believe? Or, how could I have abandoned or betrayed him in his time of need? I am a coward. I am worthless. 

The in between is hard. Friends, I have lived the "in between" in one of the darkest periods of my life. What felt like the unimaginable happened and things just kept getting worse. The outside world stopped. I was numb. I was in shock. I was in pain. I bounced from despair to deep sorrow to self bullying. The battle was large and I was so very small.

Maybe you are there right now. Know that you are not alone. In the midst of your grief, your pain, I invite you to take a breath, put on the oxygen mask and join me in a time of self care, to explore God's deep love for you and learn to love yourself well. It will not change your circumstances but it will change how you journey through them.

We know how the in between Jesus' disciples ended. Everything changed in the morning. At the dawn of the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene races to the cave, finds the stone rolled away and the tomb empty. She is met with the words "He is risen." and is the first to see the resurrected Jesus.

Hope was restored, just as God promised. He will restore you as well. There is a place for you at the table. Join me.

Good Friday, the day Jesus was crucified.

It must have been horrifying to witness. The crowd who had met him with palm branches calling out to him, "Hosanna" (which literally means save), and "Blessed is the King of Israel" just days before, literally turned mob-like, this time shouting "Crucify him!" 

Jesus was beaten, flogged, mocked, and tortured and finally nailed to the cross, to die a slow agonizing death. 

We know darkness came over the land from the 6th hour to the 9th hour which would be from noon to 3 pm since the Hebrew day ran from sundown to sundown. So in the middle of day anyone in the Middle East would experience night in the middle of the day. 

At the moment when the priests would be sacrificing the lambs for Passover, Jesus, the flawless sacrificial lamb, breathed his last.

Across the gospels we know Jesus cried out these seven statements in the last moments of his human life:

1. "Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34)
2. "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." (to the robbers crucified with him, Luke 23:43)
3. To his mother Mary, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to John the disciple "Here is your mother."
4. "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" which means "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46 and Mark 15:34)
5. "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." (Luke 23:46)
6. "I am thirsty." (John 19:28)
7. "It is finished." (John 19:30)

Every priest, holy man, and learned man present would have been uneasy at his words. They would have known that 1,000 year before King David prophetically wrote, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Psalm 22:1). He went on to write, "Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet." (Psalm 22:16)

As he took his last breath, there was a great earthquake, splitting rocks and breaking open tombs. The curtain in the temple tore in two from top to bottom.

Everyone would have understood that something profound and really bad had happened. Yet it was a Roman centurion guarding Jesus who watched all that occurred was "terrified and exclaimed, 'Surely he was the Son of God!'" (Matthew 27:54). 

Can you imagine? What do you suppose they were all thinking? It could not have been good.

There was nothing good about the brutality of Jesus' death and in that moment, the reality of it all could not be understood.

Yet we can see that God turned what was horrifying, unspeakable really, into something amazingly good.

Notice, Jesus did not say, "I am finished," he said "It is finished." Jesus' ministry as a human was done but his work as our Lord seated at the right hand of God was just beginning. 

The curtain was torn in the temple. The veil that separated the Holy of Holies, the very place where God's presence dwelled on earth, where only the chief priest was allowed to enter once a year at Passover to offer the atoning sacrifice for our sin, was destroyed. 

Jesus, the final sacrificial unblemished lamb, had the final say over sin and death that day. The separation from God because of our sin was no longer necessary.

Jesus became our Redeemer, his life paid for ours. He became our Savior, our King and our Lord. Through him, we are children of God. We are holy, we are royalty, and heirs to God's inheritance.

Can you think of a greater love?

My dear friend, where ever you find yourself in this life, know that you are not alone and nothing is too far gone for God. If you are struggling in your circumstances, struggling to believe you are loveable, struggling with loving yourself, come along with us next month as we delve into the truth.

Learn how much God loves you, that you are worthy and how to love yourself. It really is biblical. Join me in 30 Days of Self Love.

​I want to write something happy today, to be cheerful and make you smile.

The truth is my life is hard right now. I am not talking about everyday challenges like juggling schedules, figuring out how to fit it all in. I am not talking about challenges at work or in friendships. I am talking about many life-altering challenges all at once. The kind of challenges that just one would be enough to rock your world, yet I have several all at once.

In fact, these challenges, my giants, have been going on for a very long time. Every December 31 I think to myself, “Thank God this year is over, next year will be so much better.” but that has not been my story.
At the same time, I can look over the past several years and as I see the agony, reliving the trauma of all that has happened, I also see God’s hand upon me, holding me when I need a hug, supporting me when I am too tired to stand, strengthening me to push through the impossible when all I want to do is hide under the covers until it goes away. I can see the good in the bad from a distance.

When I am in the thick of it, when I can’t see from a distance because I am surrounded by the giants, I hold on to what I know to be true. God is good. God is loving. God provides. God never fails. I can say and believe these things because I have witnessed them in my life, and I am a witness to you.

I don’t know what you are facing today. I do know that God will see you through it.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. Psalm 145:13-20

God does not change. He is not good one day and bad or neglectful the next. He is good all the time. He will hold you, strengthen you, provide for you, protect you, give you counsel and courage.

You may struggle to feel it, to see it. You may question how a good God can allow the hardships you may be facing. Rest assured my friend; nothing is wasted with God. Not one word in scripture, not one circumstance in your life, not one problem you face, not one hurt, not one trauma, not one victory, absolutely nothing is wasted with God.

I am a witness to this truth. I can say this in full confidence because I am living proof. If these things were not true, I assure you I would be dead.

The giants I am facing have not vanished, in fact I believe I will be battling them for some time to come. Yet I know God will sustain me.

I will even have joy; I will see God’s goodness as I persevere through it, and I will be able to tell you about it so that you will know He will do the same for you.

You are not alone!

I am going to embark on a thirty-day journey to explore and embrace God’s love for me and to translate that into love for myself. Want to come along? Click here and join me.